I Really Don’t Like Celery

I hate celery

I bought some frozen casserole mix, unaware that it contained, mostly, the most useless and vile tasting vegetable ever. Celery. Which is very unpleasant to eat, but which I could not bear to throw out ‘in case I ever found a use for it. And then, after a particularly cruel flare-up I Found a use. The frozen casserole mix became the perfect treatment for the inevitable ‘flare-up’ after stupidly pushing my daughter downhill on her bike or such foolish antics, the cheap equivalent of an ice pack, the new ‘bag of peas’.

And then disaster struck. After being used so many times and partially defrosting and freezing it again, it turned into one solid lump of mostly celery and is rather uncomfortable to lay on, thus rendering it entirely useless and consigned to the bin. I found this out today, after doing said foolishness, followed by hobbling around a supermarket a 4pm with hungry children and husband, then collapsing onto the sofa with the Mostly Made of Celery Casserole Mix, only to find I was akin to the Princess and the Pea. This Will Not Do. Unfortunately there is no other food in the freezer which we can sacrifice – we are using the baby corn tonight for the kids tea, and I am certain that Quorn sausages won’t be particularly comfortable to lay on either. Now I am laying on the cold space where the casserole mix once was, in pain and watching Abney and Teal thinking how useless celery really is. Contemplating not for the first time this week whether I should self medicate with a glass of Pinot Noir.

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