Too Grumpy for Hugs

Wow what a pretty bloody awful start to my day.

Prior to 8 days ago, I usually woke several times a night – a light sleeper and a tiny one wanting something in the dead of night. 8 days ago I started taking nerve blocking medication. Goodbye light sleeping. Goodbye tiny one in the dead of night.

Last night after going to bed with my concoction of painkillers I am woken at some ridiculous hour by a lovely almost 3 year old Winter Boy crawling into bed. I stay awake, being battered in the head by an arm, a foot, a head of the boy who likes to rotate like a spinning wheel in his sleep for what seems like hours before I doze off. Only to be woken by a herd of elephants running up the loft stairs. OK not a herd of elephants, just Summer Girl. She heard a loud noise, it scared her, and before I know it there are 4 of us in the bed, two of which are very much awake and chattering away.

Of course I am grumpy! Who wouldn’t be grumpy this time of night? Except when R checks the time, it is 6:45am and time to get up (and probably my tiny rooster woke me at a half respectable hour). I apologise for my grouchiness and the children, ever forgiving, give me wonderful hugs and tell me it is ok. R does not. He makes a point of hugging the children, gives me a perfunctory kiss, gets up and then after cross words about the lack of hug he informs me that I am Too Grumpy to Get Hugs. A shocked outburst from me and the morning continues mostly in silence. I realise in hindsight I should have asked him if he Meant To Be So Rude.

For the millionth time this week I am in tears at how much damage my back problem continues to do to me and those around me, cry silently in the car to drop him off at work, on the way to school, hold it together to drop children off, cry all the way home and back to bed where I stay for the rest of the day and cry myself to sleep.

Thank God my children don’t think I am too grumpy for hugs.

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