Diazepam is my Friend

My back pain has returned with a vengeance. Muscles spasms and shooting pains down my legs. I knew it was going to happen from yesterday. I recognised the signs. I just could not seem to stop it happening. Although attempting to scoop my little Winter Boy up at 5:30am while half asleep and having been kicked in the back a few times might not have helped at all.

This morning was very tough. I have a stinking cough and every single little cough, with me braced by laying on the sofa, leaning toward the floor and taking my weight onto my hands, legs bent to take the weight, had me screaming in pain.

I could not get the children ready for school and nursery. I could not take them to school and nursery. I could not control my visible pain and my Summer Girl was once again distraught at seeing me in pain. My husband had to call work to tell them he was not going in. He did the school run, some shopping, got me comfortable, made me lunch, picked up a prescription.

I succumbed to diazepam. I rarely take it, but conceded that even lying completely still was not going to work this time as I kept coughing. And a telephone conversation went like this ‘Dr, I am taking xyz, it is not working, I need diazepam’ ‘oh yes, absolutely, I agree under the circumstances you need some now’ and gave me quite a few!

It has helped a lot along with increased tramadol and diclofenac. But, I still can’t really do anything. Could not go to work, for my final day before annual leave. Could not go the Christmas Carole Service at Summer Girl’s school. Can’t tidy up the very messy house.

I also succumbed to asking Summer Girl’s School Liason Officer for help. She is going to find out if there are people in my area who can help with the school run on emergency days like today. I don’t live very close to her school and it won’t be easy for most of the parents to help us out, and those in my area have several children/work full time/have their own health issues so I can’t ask those.  She is also going to talk to the Children’s Centre as thinks there might be better options for Winter Boy as under 5, and then Summer Girl can tack on to whatever help he gets.  She also encouraged me to apply for DLA, which I have been reluctant to do. She reminded me it can be used for taxi’s to school when I can’t drive, to pay for after-school clubs when I can’t get to collect them and R is working, as well as to pay for a cleaner when I can’t clean, take-aways when I can’t cook, taxi’s for DH when I can’t drop him off as I normally do.

I really really do have to accept this is not going away don’t I?!

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4 thoughts on “Diazepam is my Friend

  1. In the short term yes you do have to accept it. Have you spoken to doctors about the symptoms you experience before a flare yet? It sounds just like I feel with an arthritis flare up and I presume related to high levels of inflammation in body. Do they ever give steroids for disk problems like they do in arthritis? Where are you up to on the specialist hunt? I really hope it subsides as soon as possible.

    • I have two surgeons who have caught my interest, but, i am going to slow it down and not be Bull In A China Shop as R calls it! I will wait til the MRI results and initial consultation with local surgeons to get a feel of where they are, then go for second, third, fourth opinions. I have been a bit nervous about talking to docs about flu symptoms, as I feel daft, it feels silly saying it and I just feel I am always complaining. The last MRI showed no obvious signs of arthritis according to the report, but have put the flu feeling down to inflammation pain, my body reacting to the chemicals. sometimes it makes me throw up too.

  2. Yes, its a great idea to have a support network…that will help in itself. See it as the start of recovery rather than a negative step. It will give you peace of mind that normal life can go on for the family while you get a chance to work on getting better. Having gone through similar problems with Inflammation in the body….muscle spasms…(I used to think my whole body was just one mass of inflammation, ready to go at any moment), you have my sympathy. All I can say, after one particular ‘episode’ of being paralysed (only able to move my eyelids) for three days through muscle spasm and the meds not touching it I knew I could not survive another. I was getting these every 6 months and were becoming more frequent. I found something to stop the muscle spasms and its been three years since I’ve had one. If you can get a chance to order a Richard Brennan book on the Alexander Technique I would absolutely recommend it. It gives you an idea of what its all about, but ultimately I would say try a lesson or two. They won’t make you worse and I am sure you will find they make you better. My latest blog post of ‘subtle awareness’ gives a taste of what you can learn….But for now, rest up and know that you will find the answer in the end.

    • Diazepam has worked brilliantly, I have been so reluctant to take it, but I just said sod it yesterday and took 4ml x 2 (did not get prescription til afternoon) and I am in so so much less pain today. It has surprised me how much the inflammation has reduced. R is going to Exeter and I was almost tempted to go with him as initially planned for christmas shopping as I feel reasonably ok, but I have had to resist the temptation!
      thanks for your continued support.

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