Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

I had an amazing Center Parcs Winter Wonderland Holiday last week with my family. It was just what I needed. I went down slides, ignoring the ‘do not go down this very fast slide if you have back problems’ signs, I rode a bike, I walked, I skipped, I felt better than I have for a Very Long Time. We ate lots of food, drank only a little wine (have gone right off it, oddly) sat in front of a wonderful open fire. The weather was freezing, producing a lovely glistening coating of frost over everything – very magical. We swam outside in the dark and fed ducks bread in the mornings on our patio.

I returned relaxed, walking normally, and everyone has commented at work how much better I look, how freely I am walking. I have been smiling, beaming ‘yes, I just needed to let go, I needed to stop worrying and just enjoy life!’.

So, with my upward positive attitude in tact, I headed off for a swim last night, and did 20 lengths, followed by the spa and a quick turn in the sauna. Brilliant, felt great.

At lunch time today I left work due to increasing back pain, and  the now regular flu like feeling that I get when my back is about to ‘go’. My boss agreed to get home and take meds to avert any major disaster.

I am now in bed, unable to stand straight. I just know that as soon as I stand straight, the searing pain will go through my back and legs and my back will, once again, be fucked. Excuse my language but that is the best word I can find to describe it right now. I now know the signs, and the tight deep pain along with the flu symptoms (my blood hurts) which seem to start in my back means only one thing.

I took my normal dose of 100mg slow release tramadol this morning but I don’t want to take another Tramadol through the night as I will be wired and won’t sleep so I have taken the dreaded 60mg Co-Codemol. Shame I have no diazepam left, which is what I ideally should take to stop the muscle spams in their tracks before they start.

Only yesterday I was skipping into work. I only had to do tomorrow before christmas leave, I am not sure I can make it to work for that final day

is this ever going to end? But on a good note, I have gone almost 6 weeks without a proper relapse, which is a good amount of time.

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2 thoughts on “Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

  1. Good to hear your holiday went well. You might like to consider using this experience as ‘evidence’ in your journey through this back problem (rather like a forensic puzzle!). Maybe use it as a positive memory to get you through the difficult times….things can be different, you just have to find the things that help you to recover. Best of luck.

    • I wonder how much stress has to do with it, thinking my body was less tense, no cleaning to do, no thinking of finances, bills, presents to buy for xmas, diy that needs doing, work, all the usual stuff. And came back to all of it, but, i did feel relaxed on my return. I shall keep an eye on what works and see what patterns emerge.

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