Still Here. Still Love Wine. The Sea. Music. Still Disabled.

I have been absent. I have been in a bad place. A roller coaster ride of attempting recovery from chronic back pain and sliding back into the darkness of chronic back pain. I am not going to talk about details now, although I will at some point.

But, I have had a particularly negative experience at a music festival, which happened as I attempted to live a life that is not really my own, while trying desperately to forget that despite surgery, and rehabilitation, and time, I am probably not going to ‘recover’ from this chronic back pain. As the enormity of how hard it is to do things that ‘normal’ people do hit me like a brick, I was right up close to the appalling discrimination of people with disabilities a way I have not been before. I now know that the reason for this lack of experience has been because I have shut myself away from the real world and not participated in it any more than has been essential to survive, because that world doesn’t really belong to me any more. Except, it does now. I am reclaiming it.

I am going to relive some of this experience with you in my next post, and I will share some of my future experiences as I come across disability discrimination on a daily basis, and yet also find amazing people who try to be our advocates. I will use my time blathering on to do my little bit to help make access, treatment and attitudes to people with disabilities better, nicer, kinder. So that it is not so hard, it’s not so embarrassing and it’s not so fucking difficult to do the things that we used to do. Like go to a music festival.

I am dedicating the future of this blog to my Chronic Back Pain Suffering Mumsnetters who have been my rock in the last couple of years, in the last year in particular. They have picked me up when I’ve been on the floor. They have cheered me up when I have been unhappy. They understand when no-one else does. They have shared their own experiences. They have held my hand when I have been unable to cope. with the relentlessness of this fucking chronic back pain.

They also love Frank Turner, internet shopping and Fly London boots.

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5 thoughts on “Still Here. Still Love Wine. The Sea. Music. Still Disabled.

  1. hey there! good to hear you even if it’s not the best of news today.

    If I have to tell Sainsburys one more time that I cannot use the self service tills because i cannot bend down to the bagging area I shall scream! There are so many things out there that if they altered just slightly it would make a world of difference.

    • I so agree. It’s just a small little thing for someone else, or, for a company, that can make a significant difference to someone with a disability. It’s not even always huge effort, sometimes it’s just a little bit of thought. The bagging areas in Sainsburys are at just the wrong height aren’t they? I find it’s the worst type of bending at lat level that i try as it’s not far, but will have my back give way due to the sudden pain and it’s game over. Even if I can recover physically, it makes me upset and my mood changes.

  2. Pingback: A Nice Story about The National Trust and Disability. | Wine Can't Cure Back Pain

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